Saturday, April 17, 2010

So much for 2010...

After my Grandmother passed away last November my brothers and I said that 2010 had to be a better year. It just had to be a better year. I had a couple of abnormal pap smears the year after I had Margo starting with the one at my 6 week check up. My doctor called while I was about to get out of the car and go grocery shopping with both of my kids. He said I would need an outpatient procedure to do a biopsy and a D&C. Quite frankly I didn't have time for all of this at the moment, I mean I was trying to conquer Wal-Mart with two kids. I was scared, nervous, frustrated and thankful that I had a doctor that was taking care of me.

Fast foward to March 26, 2010, the day of my biopsy. Jeremy and my Dad went with me. We had to be there at 6:30 a.m. I had been to the surgery center once before but it has been a long time. So, Jeremy and I pull up and what is sitting right next door to it? A funeral home. Are you freaking kidding me? That is so wrong on so many levels. We got our morning of to a humerous start so that was a good ice breaker. I check in and share my disgust with the receptionist about the funeral home. She claims they were there first but this still does not change the fact that they have a funeral home next to a building where people are nervous about being put to sleep and DYING!!!! Anyway, procedure went well and I woke up so no harm no foul. When they were going over the rules of my leaving and taking care of myself the nurse kept saying that Jeremy and I couldn't do "you know what" for two weeks. Well, my Dad was standing there and this was very uncomfortable. She also said the word "vagina" like a million times and I thought my Dad was going to faint. I mean really, are they two 7th graders?

Dr. Taylor said it would take a week to find something out so I wasn't expecting anyting until that next Friday. The following Tuesday I was gettting Carter ready for Mother's Day Out and I missed a phone call. I checked it and it was Dr. Taylor's office. Oh no. Either it is good that they are calling early or so bad that they couldn't wait. I called back and told them I missed a call. The receptionist said, "Oh, is this Mrs. Ables?" I wanted to hang up and run. I said, "yes it is" and she put me on hold. I swear that I was on hold for like 5 minutes, which in phone time is a long time! I knew it had to be bad. I have worked in a doctor's office and they never stop what they are doing to talk to someone on the phone unless it was bad. Dr. Taylor got on the phone and said, "Well, I don't have good news for you sweetie." At this point I had Margo on my hip and Carter was ready to go to school and pulling no my shirt. I felt my heart drop to my feet and my throat felt like it was swelling. I wanted to push the pause button. I just needed the world to stop for a second and let me get my bearings. He said, "They found Cancer, but they are still staging it and I don't know that part yet. You will most likely have a hysterectomy. I am sending you to an Oncologist and I want you to go this week. I want you to sit down and take this in for a second. This is not a death sentence, this is just something you have to deal with right now okay. Are you okay?"

I couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't know if this was just a little Cancer or like Stage IV Cancer, I had no idea and neither did he. I just stood there and watched my children buzz around me for a couple of minutes. I just couldn't imagine not being there with them. It was time to go to school and we had to load up! I took Carter to school and I felt like I had the weight on the world on my shoulders. Jeremy had just left the day before and was in Monticello working. He was there for a whole week and rode with a coworker. After I dropped Carter off I put Margo in the car and just broke down. Sorry Margo. Then I dried my eyes and called Jerm. I felt horrible for doing that to him at work but I had to call him. He was shocked and upset. He wanted to come home and Jason went to pick him up. Thanks Jason.

Fast Foward to my appointment with the Oncologist, Dr. Bandy. He basically explained that I had Stage 1b1 Cervical Cancer. He said I would have a Radical Modified Hysterectomy using the Da Vinci Robot Surgery Systerm. This means taking my cervix, upper vagina, uterus, and a lymphnode for testing. If all of that comes back clear then I am done! If not, then we would discuss further treatment. He said he thinks I will be fine and this is a bump in the road. It was a busy day because I had to make like 50 phone calls and explain this to people. Whew!! I go back to the Dr. on 4/28/10 to see if I am healed enough from the biopsy to go ahead with the hysterectomy.

Dear anyone and everyone,

I am scared and anxious. I am sad and dissapointed. I am grateful. I am scared that this could be worse than what they are saying and anxious to find out the results after the hysterectomy. I am scared of having a hysterectomy. I am sad that I cannot have anymore children because I wanted some. I am dissappointed to no longer have that option because of stupid Cancer. I am angry that this happend to me and I am only 29. Cancer sucks.

I am totally grateful. My Cancer could be worse. I have two beautiful healthy kiddos. I learned of the first abnormal pap smear after my 6 week check up after having Margo. I think about his happening just a year earlier. What if I never got to meet that beautiful baby girl? I cannot even imagine not having my baby girl. I cannot believe that I got to have these awesome kids before I had to have a hysterectomy. Thank you so much Lord. Some people never get to experience in their whole life the amount of happiness I experience in a day. I could never express my gratitude enough.

There is a song, Bring The Rain, by Mercy Me. I love it.

Ladies, please go to your GYN regularly and take them seriously when they say you need to have something done. I know those tests are no fun but this is seriously not going to be fun. Take care of yourselves because putting it off or skipping a year or two can be devistating.



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